whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
