I am spending my child support on dildos
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
