Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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