oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
