that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
