As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
