Do you still have your period?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
