I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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