Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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