Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
