Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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