Are we in a gay sports bar?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
