Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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