I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
