return my video game
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
