Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
