I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
