I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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