I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
