Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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