I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
