Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
