He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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