Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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