Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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