Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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