he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
