Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
