Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
