Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
