Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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