I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
