Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
