How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
