The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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