hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
