im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
