Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
