I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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