You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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