I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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