girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Randomize
