there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
