whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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