When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my shit smells like andre
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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