found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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