i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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