my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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