Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think my moral compass just broke
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
