no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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